Family building

Phase 1: Getting to know one another

Team building is a much more formal process than family building, but synergises with the family process to get every member to play a role in the development of every other member in the team. Team building will together with the family process, develop the emotional intelligence of every person in the team.  

Have intense group discussions or “coaching groups”. In the coaching groups, strategy is developed for solving problems, conflicts are resolved, performances are evaluated and tears and laughter are shared. Members get the opportunity to express viewpoints, get to know one another’s personalities better and learn how to express feelings. This is a big part of developing emotional intelligence and relationship skill.


During a big-group team building session the team will typically sit in a circle so that everybody can see everyone else. The team will talk to one person at a time, rotating through everybody. The leaders also sit in the circle.

Discussions during phase 1 will be:

The big group team building rules:

During the first phase the focus is on getting to know each other in the most enjoyable way. A team building camp helps everyone to position themselves in the group and something like a hiking trail bonds the team by “suffering” together.

Warning! Competition amongst smaller groups within the bigger team should be handled with caution and discretion. Competition may enhance the process by raising the energy levels, but should never undermine the unity of the bigger team.

Phase 2: The conflict phase

The team building focus will automatically move into a conflict phase as they become used to one another. If they don’t spontaneously move into it, the leaders must set up situations that will induce the conflict phase. Without a conflict phase the team will never grow to their potential in relationships and authenticity.  

After conflict resolution it is usually good to have a bit of a break for everyone to settle. As the team members discover more of their leadership abilities, opportunities must be created for them to start developing it. Servanthood is a good starting point.

Skill! Conflict resolution

 Get two people that are having a real unresolved conflict in front of the team. Let the first person, the speaker, share the problem shortly. The other person, the listener, should then repeat what he or she heard the speaker saying. If he or she did not get the full meaning of what was said, the facilitator and spectators (acting as judges) clarify things for the listener, or the speaker will repeat his or her view on the matter. The listeners may not bring in their own paradigm, but must just attempt to understand what the speaker is saying. When everybody is satisfied that the listener got the message, the speaker will continue a few more sentences and the listener will once again reflect. When the speaker is finished, the listener must now validate and empathise him or her. Validation means that the listener acknowledges that the speaker can feel the way he or she does, irrespective of whether the listener agrees or not. The listener must now empathise with the speaker by acknowledging the emotions that the speaker is feeling by saying: I can see that you are feeling this or that way. Now the speaker and the listener switch and the whole process repeats itself. They swap until the conflict is resolved. The judges stay active all the time to help facilitate, but are not allowed to give their opinions. That will complicate matters and ensure failure of the process. It is amazing how fast this process brings both parties to insight and possible solutions.    

Phase 3: The servanthood phase

Our Survivor camp takes team building to a level where students need to suffer for one another. This brings the group to a much higher level of teamwork than most teams will ever arrive at. From here on a strong focus will be placed on peer accountability and ministering to one another. Outreaches will now become the next level of team building; serving together.

Discussions during team building in phase 3 will be:

Phase 4: Outward vision and multiplication

Consummating the team interaction and preparing to go out into the world and joining other teams in different settings. The team building strategy is constantly being discussed with them so as to train them to be team builders.

Discussions during phase 4 will be:


Team building

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Phase 1: Creating a platform for belonging, safety, and having fun

We live in a broken society where families are falling apart. The family is the foundation of society and Satan is throwing everything at the family to destroy it. Creating a “family” situation with groups of people sharing a common interest can be significantly valuable. Up to 30 people can form a close knit family, given that the family spend a lot of informal time together.

The purpose of the family will be to create an environment where everybody feels safe and secure, and this will enhance their growth exponentially. Therefore, the creation of a family in this discipleship course is of vital importance. The leaders must not be absent fathers or mothers, but should be whole heartedly involved with every member of the family.

To create the safe environment needed there should be family rules:

In phase 1 the focus of the family should be mainly to discover and appreciate one another. A family should function on an informal and spontaneous level with a lot of fun and laughter. Laughter raises seratonin levels and gives the strength to cope with the challenge of dealing with the past hurts, feelings of depression and loneliness. The fun element will unwind family members after stretching times in the processes. The formation of an effective family cannot be over emphasised.

Tip! If you have the ability to make DVD’s of the major events and edit it with fitting music it will be of great value to remind everyone of the “good times we had together”.

Phase 2: Synergy – Valuing the differences

The family once again creates a safe environment for discovering purpose free from reactionary behaviour from past hurts. At this stage, students should feel secure and accepted. They understand basic Christian concepts, thus the focus now falls on honest input from a “family” that loves, appreciates and validates realistically. They learn to appreciate the diversity of personality and gifting that God has made. They learn to be authentic and stay out of performance mode. This is the stage where students may start to counsel one another and give quality input.

Phase 3: Learning to serve one another

During our Survivor camp supporting one another ensures survival, and the leadership should build on that experience to teach team memebers to serve and care for one another. Socializing should still be informal, but deep conversation should become a natural outflow of spending time together, as should spiritual conversations, without losing the dynamic of laughter and enjoyment.  

Phase 4: Maturing towards an outward focus

During phase four the family is celebrated and enjoyed . Every time they do something together they should be aware of the value of being a family. With the Knowledge that this family will soon multiply and go into the world, this kind of appreciation is brought on naturally. Families usually have albums and videos and therefore it will be good to reflect on the year’s activities by watching the DVD and slide shows of photos taken. This will help them understand how valuable functioning as a family has been. They must now be sensitised to the fact that they have the know-how of creating a family within the groups that they will lead in the world. This means sending the principle of “family” back into the world by training leaders that understand “family”.

We take a road trip and it is a time of spiritual reflection and during the informal time they must be encouraged to make spiritual conversation part of being a family.

During the coastal retreat they will get up together at sunrise and every one will have a quiet time on their own an hours on the beach. This will be a time of reflection and tying the loose ends by waiting on the Lord for direction. After the two hours everybody gets together for a short time of sharing. For the rest of the time they will enjoy the beach and other activities that are available.

A lot of deep conversation will flow as a result of the mornings input. The evenings will be suitable for worship and playing games; even pillow fights, movies and dancing. They will experience a “family” holiday that will set new standards and paradigms in their lives of the value of a harmonious family holiday and the potential for spiritual adventures during the holiday.

There comes a day when children leave home because they have grown up. When the year is finished, last reflections are done, last wishes are communicated; they cry, hug and then leave. Understanding the purpose of growing up, the will leave motivated to go and fulfil their purpose in the world. They will understand that this family doesn’t exist any more and that friendships will carry on naturally or disappear as the season for those friendships may have passed.